Let me get this straight; my name is Lovino Vargas and I can’t talk to girls. To be honest, I don’t really mind. Girls never seem to be interested in me. I guess I don’t treat girls the right way they want to. I was hostile to everyone, especially girls. When I was interested in a one, I would always show a harsh affection to her. You know, ignore her, hate her guts, etc. I always had my brother, but he could talk to girls better than I did since he’s “Charming”. He knew I had problems talking to girls, so he tries to set up girls for me. As always, they would never be interested. I would be willing to be interested, but if she’s not, then I’m not. As of then, I already know not one single girl would be able to show me as much affection as I do to her. I was destined to be alone. That was, until I met _______.
“Hey Lovino, do you see that girl?” Feliciano grabs my arm and points at the girl in the far end of the cafeteria. She’s sitting alone reading a “Lord of the Rings” novel. Her food is untouched since her mind is probably inside that book. “She looks pretty. Why don’t you go talk to her?” He wiggles his eyebrows and smirks.
“She is actually really pretty. Maybe I’ll try…” Feliciano pushed me forward to get closer to the girl. She had extremely pretty blonde hair and brown eyes. I wonder if she interested in guys like me. I sat near the edge of the same table, smiling at her. The girl’s eyes pointed in my direction and she buried her face deeper into the book. “That’s a nice book you have there…” I started to engage a conversation.
“Thanks…” She muffled her voice. Her eyes weren’t visible; they were buried deep down in her book. This conversation isn’t going well.
“What’s your name?” She didn’t respond. Instead, she flipped a page and continued reading. She looked up for a second, and then back down.
She bluntly spattered out, “Rosie Cotton.” I’ve read Lord of the Rings before. Her name isn’t really Rosie Cotton. I can tell. She continued to read the next page and sooner or later, the sound of a page flipping occurred.
“Well, Rosie. I was wondering… if you’d like to watch a movie sometime.” I smiled as wide as I could and tried to brace myself for the worse. She bookmarked her place and closed her book. She parted her mouth and said the three most horrifying words any guy would hear after 'Let’s get married.' and 'I'm pregnant, honey.'
“I like girls.”
My smile quickly turned into a frown. “Oh… It’s fine…” I sighed. This case was the worst one yet.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered and left the table we were both sitting at. I knew it; I’m like that wall of art on the side of a building that nobody looks at. I try to be attractive, but only a few people look at me and leave. The only one who actually made a mark on my wall and continued to is Feliciano.
I got up and ran to the exit of the cafeteria. Half way through, Feliciano saw me running and chased after me. He grabbed my arm tightly and forced me to look at his face. “What happened?” Feliciano loosened his grip.
“I told you, all the girls I try to talk to end up running away. Nobody really accepts me besides you.” I shooed away Feliciano’s hand off my arm and I left the cafeteria, leaving Feliciano behind. I headed to the men’s room in the far left hand side next to the abandoned Choir room. Nobody uses them anymore besides me.
I head to the first sink and splash cold water on my face. I hold the edges of the sink with my hands. I look at my face in the mirror. Something’s not right. That’s not me in the mirror. All I see is a hideous monster; a hideous monster with a mask. That’s a pretty disgusting mask too. Something that’s wet drips down my face. My eyes are now red. The puffiness of my cheeks is forming. My mouth makes a frown.
I started to cry.
I let my head hang in misery. “Why can’t anyone accept me?! I’m a hideous monster, that’s why…” I whisper quietly to myself. I drop down to my knees and eventually bawl out my emotion of sadness. I’ve been trying self-improvements for the last two years, and it’s just been getting worse rather than getting better. Wait, I’m not sad. I don’t have time to be embarrassed or sad because I’m too busy devouring myself into a vortex of agony and pain.
I continue to cry. I seriously don’t care if anyone hears me… since no one really cares about my life. Most of the people I usually hang around abandoned my atmosphere. Now I’m just left with… my lonely universe. Nothing is really here… just my empty voice and hanging heart. I clutch the ground and grip the pipe under the sink. I slid to my destination with my tears guiding me. I just held on to the pipe like it was the only thing that could make me happy.
I heard the bathroom door swing open. Wait. No one has permission to open the door; this bathroom is abandoned. I hug the pipe closer to my soaked clothes and brace myself that whoever opened the door couldn’t see me.
“Hello?” That voiced belonged to…
“Hello? I swear I heard crying in here.” I recognize that voice. A few years ago, I had this small group of friends. I was a part of it, but they soon stopped hanging out with me. They would leave me out of conversations and interrupt me when I try to speak. She was also a part of the small group. She was one out of the two girls that used to hang out with us all the time.
Her name was _____.
She stepped into the Men’s bathroom with regular jeans and vans. I can only see her legs, and I’m hoping she can’t see me. She started walking towards the sink and she crouched down. She still looked pretty as ever. “…Lovino?”
I didn’t answer her. She gave me a surprised look and grabbed my hand. It was wet and swollen from my tears. “Lovino… It’s me, ____. Do you remember? It’s been a few years.” I gave her a blank stare. Her glasses are gone. She had really thick framed glasses and I’d used to tease her and threaten to break them. She stood up and put her hands on her hips. We stared at each other until I decided to talk.
“Your face looks uglier than I remember it to be.” I reluctantly said. She sat down on the floor and scooted herself closer to me. She poked my cheek and stared into my eyes.
“No. Your statement is irrelevant. My face is still sexy as shit, you’re the one cutting off your extensions looking like Splice.” She snapped back. Whoa. She isn’t that sweet _____ I knew before. She’s much snappy and rude. I love her new self.
“Ahaha. Meanie. That’s the ___ I miss. I love that snappy comeback you made.” I sit up and leaned forward. “You changed a lot. Catch me up in life.” I tucked her hair out of her face and listened to what she had to say. She had a lot on her mind. Her parents just got a divorce, so it’s just her and her mother. Her perfect A’s dropped down to B’s and C’s. She mastered the piano. And most importantly, she just got over a guy.
“Seriously? He sounds like a douche.” I stretched my arms out. I wonder how long have we been talking. Two bells have rung for 5th and 6th period… I’m not sure what time it is anyway.
“You’re the one to be talking.” She giggled and rocked a bit. I smiled a bit and laughed a long with her. She’s not wrong. I am a hostile person; especially to girls. But it seems that she’s not a regular girl. She’s more flamboyant than most girls. ____ has an open and honest heart like she really cares about people’s feelings. “So… how’s life with you?”
“It’s not going very good… As I said before, Feliciano is trying to help me get a girlfriend… He can’t really help since every girl I try to talk to always end up leaving me hanging. I guess no one really knows that I’m joking.” I drape my head and gave a sigh. “Have I ever told you this?”
“Told me what?” She interrogated.
I twisted the corner of my mouth. I’m not really comfortable telling people this. “I… I have ADHD. I can’t really control half of what I do. It affects so much of my personality. People think I’m pretty stupid or get distracted easily.”
“That’s fine! My sister and cousin have ADHD, so I don’t really mind it.” She smiled lightly. She’s extremely different than other girls I see.
“I’ve been trying to self-improve myself for over years… It’s just this thing in my brain is making me suffer.” I gave a sigh and held my head. “Nothing’s really working. I remember being so happy when we were in our little group. Gosh, I really miss the past.”
“You know, we’re still with you. We stopped talking to you back then because we thought you weren’t interested anymore. You then stopped hanging out with us and we also broke apart and found new cliques.” ____ gave me a smile.
I smiled back. “We could start over; just you, Feliciano and I.” I scooted closer to her.
“Yeah. That would be nice.” Right then and there, I felt a strong bond between us.